We’ve all been there; that hair-pulling, infuriating moment when one’s political adversaries don’t live up to all the inflammatory rhetoric. What’s a Fidel-Castro-loving, Social Justice Warrior to do when Trump-loving “fascists” simply aren’t committing enough violence or yelling enough bigoted slurs?
Commit the hate crimes for them of course! After this list, you might think twice before believing every “hate crime” you hear about at Clemson University:
Rock Attack: Bowling Green State University
Meet Eleesha Long, an African-American female student at Bowling Green State University (BGSU). In a since-deleted Facebook post, she described a horrific incident in which three White males with Trump apparel threw rocks at her as she walked down the street. When the Bowling Green Police Department (BGPD) caught wind of this, detectives took Eleesha to the BGPD HQ to question her after she failed to notify the police.
In regards to Eleesha’s testimony, Lt. Dan Mancuso of the BGPD stated “several times the complainant changed her story about what happened, where it happened, and when it happened.” When the BGPD combed Eleesha’s phone history, not only did her location not match her story, but her text messages revealed inflammatory remarks against Trump supporters. According to the police report, these remarks included “this is why [Trump supporters] should take an IQ test to vote,” “I hope [Trump supporters] all get AIDS,” and “I haven’t met a decent Trump supporter yet.” Following the debacle, the BGSU Vice-President for Student Affairs released a statement condemning false police reports.
Eleesha has since been charged with falsification and obstructing official business.
Hijab Thief: University of Louisiana at Lafayette
An unidentified, 18-year-old, Muslim female student at the University of Louisiana at Lafeyette recently informed the Lafayette Police Department (LPD) of an attack by Trump supporters. According to her report, filed just after 11AM on Nov. 9th, two white males shouted racial slurs, struck her multiple times in the back, and stole her hijab and wallet.
The plot thickened, however, when the investigation contradicted the student’s narrative. Ultimately, she confessed to fabricating the entire story. Releasing a public statement, the LPD stated “This incident is no longer under investigation by the Lafayette Police Department.”
The student is now being charged with filing a fake police report.
Homophobic Notes: North Park University
Taylor Volk, a self-described bisexual North Park University (NPU) student, stated she received homophobic notes and emails on Nov. 14th. In an interview with NBC Chicago, she held up a note allegedly taped to her door, reading “back to hell,” “#trump,” and other homophobic slurs so vile they had to be blurred on television. Stating “I think that those who have those feelings have been emboldened by the election, so that’s pretty serious,” Taylor continued on to say “my hope is that this election cycle is not indicative of what is to come in the next four years,” and “I just want them to stop.”
When NPU investigated the matter more closely however, the facts didn’t add up. On Nov. 23rd, the NPU president reported that the notes and emails were fabricated, stating “We are confident that there is no further threated of repeated intolerance to any member of our campus community stemming from this recent incident.”
Taylor Volk is no longer enrolled at North Park University.
Racist, Anti-American Grafitti: Williams College
At Williams College in Massachusetts on Nov. 12th, several young scamps decided to get into the election spirit by painting “AMKKK KILL” on the wall of an academic building. Discovered by a visitor, the Williamstown Police Department secured the scene quickly. Two unidentified students were determined to be responsible shortly thereafter.
The graffiti, an alternative spelling of America, referred to perceived racism in American society. The students responsible told Administrators that “they had committed the vandalism to bring attention to the effects of the presidential election on many within our community.”
The two students will now face “disciplinary action” from the College.
Bus Knifing: University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign
Sarah Harvard, a Mic staff writer, recently reported a violent knife attack perpetuated by a Trump supporter against a Muslim on a bus near the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign. Concerned, the U of I Police asked her to report the incident officially. Weeks later, no updates on the investigation have been given.
Sarah continues to write for digital, liberal rags like Mic, The Guardian, Slate, Huffington Post, and Salon.
Moral of the story? Don’t fake hate crimes. You’ll only hurt your own cause.